Take Control of your Relationship!
Congratulations on taking the first step!
That’s great news! But there is more work to be done. The cards are only half of the program. Following the Ground Rules and the Weekly Agenda closely on a weekly basis will be the second half of the Power Couple Cards program..
In order for growth to happen, you must commit to taking action. I ask that you give the Power Couple Cards program an honest shot for the next three months and see if your relationship does not change for the better.
Will you verbally commit today with your partner to utilize the Power Couple Cards program for the next three months?
What is a Power Couple?
A power couple is a partnership of open communication and dialogue. The couple works towards shared and individual goals together, builds on their strengths to create a strong foundation over time. A power couple focuses on the positive aspects of their relationship, and understands how to leverage the positive to offset the negative.
Powerful You.
Strong relationships start with strong individuals. Most relationship problems start at the individual level. You must look inside first if you are going to fix your external problems.
The Power Couple Cards exercises will focus on building your individual foundations and identity. You are then able to communicate and share your goals and support each other as we move through our ever evolving life.
Your partner should complement your life, not be the focus of your life. Your responsibility as a partner is to give space for your partner to grow, so you can grow together.
What will you need?
2 notebooks & a writing utensil.
The notebook will track your personal development and relationship over time when performing the card activities. Each person will have their own notebook. The information in the person's notebook is private to the owner of the notebook. Only the owner of the notebook can decide what they want to share.
One hour a week.
A weekly check-in meeting, for one hour a week. That’s all it takes to keep communication lines open and show your support for your partner. In fact, you shouldn’t perform this activity more than one time a week as it will lead to burn out and can begin to seem like a chore.
I recommend the evening before going back to work. In many people’s case, Sunday evenings will work best.
Disclaimer.
These meetings are not meant to be a form of couples therapy and should not be treated as such. These meetings should be light, fun and focused.
The goals of the meetings are
To Connect
To Gain Insight
To Plan
To Grow
Agenda.
Opening. (10-15 minutes)
Questions 1, 2 & 4
Power Couple Cards. (15-25 minutes)
Closing (10-15 minutes)
Agenda Details
Setting the Stage. (Pre-Work)
This is one of the more overlooked steps, but it's important to ensure you are in a welcome and loving space when completing these exercises.
This includes but is not limited to: Ensure the room is clean, free from distractions. Light a candle, dim the lights, play soft music with no lyrics, put the phone away. Ensure you are in a comfortable position, and before starting your session, sit in 1-2 minutes of silence and clear your mind and focus your energy.
Journaling (3-5 Minutes)
Journal about your week. Get your thoughts down on paper, as this will help you prioritize your life in the coming week. This will also help clear your mind for the rest of the meeting and may can help guide conversations to come.
The journaling exercise is private to the individual and should not be discussed.
Gratitude. (2-3 Minutes)
It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
As you will notice, gratitude is on the meeting twice. Gratitude is the frame we want to start and end the meetings with.
Weekly Questions (2-10 Minutes)
Weekly questions serve as a foundation for planning and help remove ambiguity and receive alignment from week to week. The weekly questions will give you partner a safe space to have an open discussion. Feel free to add to your own weekly questions, just be sure not to add too many.
Q1) Is there anything I've done this week that unintentionally hurt you?
Q2) What made you happiest this week?
Q3) What can I do to help you next week?
Q4) Is there anything else on your mind?
Affirmations (1-2 Minutes)
We are who we say we are. You do not need to fall in line with societies view on who you are as a couple. Come up together with affirmations that you will inspire you as a couple. You can re-use these affirmations week after week until as a couple you decide it is time to evolve further and come up with new affirmations.
Each week, speak 3 affirmations that serve you as a couple. Ensure you are speaking the affirmations out loud while maintaining eye contact. Repeat these affirmations 3 times.
Planning (3-5 Minutes)
At this time, you will want to evaluate the meeting at a whole. Reflect on your past week, and reflect on your future goals and where you want to go. Examine your To-do list from the week before. What tasks did you complete, what tasks did you not? Why did not you complete the task? Do you need to break the task into smaller actionable pieces?
Anything that is put into the plan, your partner is now there to hold you accountable.
Couples Calendar (3-5 Minutes)
Planning and tracking your activities over time allows for you to look at a glance to see where you have been and where you are going. Here you will track your date nights, planned intimacy, vacations, couples goals & milestones.
Your Calendar should be a month-to-month calendar, with the entire month in easy view. You can make your own, or buy it from the store.
Scripting / Visualization (2-5 Minutes)
Now that you have made it through your meeting with your partner. You’ve answered questions, performed activities, shown gratitude, and planned your upcoming week, now will be the time to visualize or script out your upcoming week. You can do this by writing down your week to come, or by closing your eyes and visualizing all that you are going to accomplish. It is recommended to do both at the same time if possible.
When scripting, and visualizing, use your five senses. Feel like you are there in the moment. What feelings are you feeling once you’ve accomplished a goal you have set for the week.
Once completed, if you need to go back to planning and add action items from your visualization, do so now.
Hug (1 Minute)
Ending the session with a Hug is important. You can obviously end the session with more than a hug. But the benefits of a long hug show, blah blah blah
Power Couple Cards.
Question Cards. (5 minutes)
Questions are prompts for a larger conversation. Asking questions that you wouldn't think of asking in your day to day life will prompt a deeper understanding of your partner.
As you move through life, perspectives change on past, current and future events. The questions will help to re-enforce your partners viewpoints on life at that moment.
Pick 3 questions randomly from the deck
Take turns asking each other the questions
Listen! Use Empathy!
Note: Do not worry about recording your partners answers here in your notebook. Have a different type of conversation!
Note: If you have gotten the same card within the last 2 months, please feel free to exchange the card only if both partners agree.
Exercise Cards.
Exercises are a great tool to use in self-reflection by drilling down on important life themes. From these themes, you will be able to create action plans to improve self. These exercises are meant for the individual first, second, third and fourth and the relationship fifth.
Remember, powerful individuals make powerful couples.
What you write in your notebook should be personal to only you. When discussing with your partner after the exercise, do not read exactly what you wrote down. Do not communicate the answer to each bullet point prompt like you are moving through a checklist. This is an exercise for self-reflection and self-improvement. Treat it as such.
Pick 1 card randomly from the deck
Date your activity so you can track over time
Journal your exercise (5 minutes)
Discuss with your partner (1-2 Minutes each)
Main Theme of exercise.
Share an insight or one prompt, but do not overshare.
How you can incorporate that theme into your life?
An action you plan on taking. If any at all.
Your partner
Should Listen and Use the Empathy guidelines!
Recognize it is not your responsibility to probe for more information outside of the bulleted talking points above.
The exercise is complete when your partner has moved through the empathy guidelines.
Note: If you have gotten the same card within the last 2 months, please feel free to exchange the card only if both partners agree.
Intimacy Cards.
Intimacy Cards help build intimacy in your relationship. This goes further than just physical intimacy. Intimacy cards focus on physical, mental, intellectual and experiential. Building intimacy builds an unshakeable bond that only you and your partner will experience together.
Pick 1 card randomly from the deck
Discuss the intimacy card with your partner and set a small plan around performing the activity
Plan the activity in your couples calendar
Important! Do not complete your intimacy card during the session. Planned intimacy builds anticipation, creates new conversation and ensures both of you are in the right mindset leading up to the event.
Show up prepared. Showered, dressed accordingly and in the right mind set.
Note: If you have not purchased the intimacy deck, plan a night on your couples calendar where you will be intimate with each other.
Note: If you have gotten the same card within the last 2 months, please feel free to exchange the card only if both partners agree.
Date Night Cards
Date Nights can be difficult to plan for, and can easily get stale over time. Coming up with new ideas around dates can be a challenge. Date Night cards take the challenge out of your hand, while ensuring that you mixing up your relationship and trying something new.
Pick 4 cards randomly from the deck.
You eliminate one card, your partner eliminates one card.
You mutually decide on the final card for your date.
Plan your date in your Calendar. You do not have to plan your date during that week, but you should have at least one date planned within a month.
Skip Date Night Cards if you already have multiple date nights planned.
Note: If you have not purchased the Date Night deck, no problem! Plan your own date, be creative about it!
Communication Rules
Display Empathy
Empathy helps to ensure that communication is heard, and also understood. Displaying empathy takes time and practice, and it will not feel natural at first, but it is critical when communicating.
How do you display empathy?
Listen to your partner.
Repeat back what you thought you heard in your own words.
Example: “It’s frustrating when I do not clean up after myself because clutter causes you anxiety”
Ask your partner “Am I stating this correctly?”
If you are not stating it correctly, allow your partner to provide clarity. Then start at step 2.
Ask your partner “Is there anything else you would like to add?”
Keep it Positive.
When talking about potential short comings, goals for the future or any number of scenarios, positivity will help you see a path forward instead of obstacles ahead.
If you would like your partner to buy you flowers what would you rather hear? “You never buy me flowers”. -or- "When you buy me flowers you make me feel special”.
Self-Reflection
When you reflect on your own actions and how they affect everyone around you, it gives you the opportunity to see where you could have improved on past performance. When reflecting, it is important to look at the situation from multiple points of view and understand steps you could have taken to ensure the situation turned into a favorable one.
Write down your thoughts.
When you reflect on your thoughts without writing them down, your brain will bombard you with ideas. When you write down your thoughts, you are creating a stream of consciousness with a beginning, middle and end. This allows you to reflect on a concrete position and create actions and goals.
Be Vulnerable
Being vulnerable with your partner will show that you have developed a sense of trust with your partner. Being vulnerable is not the same as being emotional and sensitive. Being vulnerable means you are willing to have the difficult conversations and being honest in your approach.
Prioritize Each Other
The importance of self-improvement should not be overlooked, but remember you are also in a partnership. There are going to be times when your partner is going to need re-assurance, help or a listening ear. When you enter into a relationship with your partner, you are also prioritizing how your partner would feel based on actions you may or may not take.
Check in on your partner frequently. Ensure alignment, and move forward.
Save it for Sunday
Did something happen during the week that triggered a conversation you would like to have? Do you feel you need to talk about how you are feeling? Using the communication rules above, this meeting is a perfect forum to address anything that warrants a discussion.
Be sure you have gone through the above communication rules before brining topic to this forum. You will want to utilize Weekly Questions #3 in your agenda for a Save it for Sunday chat.
Your conversations can carry over from week to week. Sometimes the best thing that can happen is giving your partner time to think about what you said instead of expecting a specific outcome.